What’s in your cake?
Dear Younger Me,
Are you ready for the holidays? Preparing for the most common question, “Is there someone special in your life?” I know the conversation gets old. Depending when you see this, will impact the way your heart and mind process this question.
If you see this before 16 then you haven’t dated anyone who would make you second guess that answer. At 16 then there’s a specific guy. After him, you may question ending things and that question gets complicated because you never forgot. It’s okay to not be ready for a relationship yet, but it doesn’t silence the question when you respond, “There’s only one guy I’ve ever felt serious about.”
I’m proud of you for taking time to learn about yourself. He will reach out and due to miscommunication/timing, you will continue to miss each other time and time again for the years to come. You will block contact and attempt to move on. You will date. You will grow. Navigating this decision is difficult because arguably it’s the biggest decision you will ever make.
There is a tool I want to give you, which hopefully will equip you during the journey of discovering a good match for you. We call it “What’s in your cake?” Take out a piece of paper and write down the recipe for the partner you’re looking/waiting for.
First, you need to list out the ingredients for the “sponge” or the “cake” and these ingredients are non-negotiables like how does he treat your family? A cake needs flour and certain ingredients to be a cake so these are what you must have. You can’t steal a recipe because it’s unique to you. Some people have certain allergies and it’s okay to acknowledge that what’s in one person’s recipe would actually make you sick.
Second, what’s in your frosting? This is that extra layer that you don’t need but if it’s there adds that something something. You can eat cake without frosting, but the frosting adds a nice touch if it’s there. For example, I don’t need him to watch competition tv, but if he wants to join me for “Dancing with the Stars,” then by all means let's have a watch party and enjoy our own dancing in the kitchen.
Third, throw on some sprinkles. Sprinkles are completely unnecessary, but you like how they look. Does he have to have dark hair? No, but if he does then, “Hello.”
What’s in your cake? Currently, I’m talking about a guy because it’s fresh on my mind. I wrote out my recipe years ago. Having a guideline helps weed out potential open doors you don’t need to walk through and clarity/confirmation when you make eye contact/interact. If you are going to commit to this “cake” then you are reminded of the importance of not settling.
For Christmas, let me say, “If you are questioning/convincing yourself then both of you have a better fit waiting. Your cake will feel like home in your best friend’s presence. I want to give you a few confirmations to be aware of when you get a taste of this “cake.” He will be kind. He will be the safest place to communicate to and with about everything on your heart. You will bring out the best in each other/a dynamic and environment that allows growth. For the first time, you will understand why people get excited to have children because you see the father he will be to your children. His arrival is unexpected and never in your wildest dreams could you predict it. Until then, I encourage you to prepare yourself to be the best you that you are proud to be. Preparation like that in return produces a “cake” that fits the qualities he deserves in a best friend.”
This applies to many areas of health. Your food pyramid consists more than just cake… like job hunting or decisions of where you will spend chunks of time. How you spend your time is how you spend your life. Taking time now to articulate your preferences, wants and needs is the best preparation you can do for yourself. I believe the more you are aware then you are able to make better educated decisions on what doors to walk through, knock on or feel peace walking past.
Let me say, discovering it is worth the wait.
With Love,
Older You